I need to get up in this GIG gurl!
OH MY SWEET GHERKINSSSSSS! I MET MY ALL-TIME FAVOURITE QUEEN MISS ALYSSA *TONGUE-SNAP* EDWARDS! So BITCH, SIT ‘CHO ASS DOWN AND SHUT THE HELL UP… while I tell you all about it ;)
Last week my boyfriend and I went to Las Vegas to celebrate his 30th birthday. It was a fucking whirlwind (and I loved it) – but more on that later. So while we were in Vegas a little festival called WORLD PRIDE was going down back home in Toronto. I was a little bummed to be missing out on all the Season 6 queens slated to appear, but I SAT ON STEVE SANDERS LAP IN LAS VEGAS SO WHATEVER. Anyway, while in Vegas I read that the World Pride Afterparty would be happening on Sunday night (an hour after we’d be back home) and Alyssa & Shangela would be performing. And henny, I wasn’t about to let 5 days of non-stop boozing in Vegas stop me from seeing the queen of BACKROLLS.
So we get to the party, I grab a glass of prosecco and hang out by the DJ booth (hair of the dog right?), and about 15 minutes later security comes out to clear a path to the booth. After watching some random bar queen perform a 20 minute medley of about every song in Whitney Houston’s back-catalogue – Miss Edwards emerged and I GOT. MY. LIFE.
She brushed right past me, her glorious weave caressing my face, smelling like fresh tilapia baked in Britney Spears “Fantasy” fragrance. First thing I noticed… DAMN the bitch is tall! She towered over everybody (thanks, in part, to her ginormous hair) and commanded the attention of every last bitch in the room. She climbed up on the tiny stage, pushed the DJ’s table up against the back of the wall (lol), and lipsynched JLo’s “Do It Well”. Sadly the stage wasn’t big enough for one of her signature shablams, but after her performance she had the audience GAGGING with her Alyssa-isms and overall general hilarity. She talked about performing “It’s Raining Men” earlier in the day with Shangela. Apparently it actually was raining and they were performing outside… she was NOT having it. She also must have been hungry… she kept asking the audience if we had any of these obscure (I’m assuming southern?!) fast food chains here in Toronto.
Then she called Shangela out to the stage. And again to my surprise… Shangela was TINY. Like… below Alyssa’s shoulders. It’s always so bizarre seeing the queens IRL, they all seem larger than life on TV! Anyway, Shangela performed a Beyoncé medley and Alyssa was LIVING. She stood right beside me the entire time getting her life, and took off half of her dress because she was so hot. She said something along the lines of “I was gonna go backstage and get out of this dress, but I have to see my girl Shangela turn the party so I’m taking this bitch off right here.” Pretty fucking adorable!
I took a selfie with her (doing our best Alyssa faces) and she took a bunch of pics with me and my bf. There were absolutely NO backrolls in sight. The bitch looked sick’ning. She gave us her cocktail on the way out (lol) and you know I totally had a sip. I had to see if I could finally figure out what Alyssa’s Secret is…
Anyway… GURL I AM (STILL) GAG-GING!